Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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