u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
