I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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