I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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