i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.