you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.