this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
