is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
