were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
a search helicopter?!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
