Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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