Texts From Last Night

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.

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  (225): Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation. http://tfl.nu/om4a
  Replies (9) Good night (2200) Bad night (1331)
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  (212): View more from New York

  he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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  (212): he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform. http://tfl.nu/ifar
  Replies (16) Good night (624) Bad night (3442)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....

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  (724): So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner.... http://tfl.nu/8twx
  Replies (16) Good night (784) Bad night (3652)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care

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  (201): he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care http://tfl.nu/es4g
  Replies (14) Good night (1436) Bad night (4002)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for

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  (405): Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for http://tfl.nu/gqdd
  Replies (15) Good night (1350) Bad night (3574)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

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  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (7160) Bad night (849)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

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  (402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft
  Replies (18) Good night (8720) Bad night (1335)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout

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  (281): seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout http://tfl.nu/w9k1
  Replies (6) Good night (2527) Bad night (1321)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.

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  (970): I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out. http://tfl.nu/m1u8
  Replies (8) Good night (2202) Bad night (1206)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99

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  (765): Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99 http://tfl.nu/kc7o
  Replies (1) Good night (1104) Bad night (865)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.

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  (416): I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle. http://tfl.nu/y28u
  Replies (7) Good night (594) Bad night (1488)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.

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  (316): You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times. http://tfl.nu/0lcm
  Replies (3) Good night (861) Bad night (545)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...

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  (605): he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful... http://tfl.nu/18jg
  Replies (3) Good night (1145) Bad night (423)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?

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  (512): did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz? http://tfl.nu/l1f0
  Replies (5) Good night (825) Bad night (478)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls

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  (703): This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls http://tfl.nu/fkw5
  Replies (2) Good night (538) Bad night (298)

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