Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Randomize
Follow @tfln