dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...