So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?