Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
