I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
