sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
