sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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