fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
