that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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