She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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