so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
