Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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