I am spending my child support on dildos
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
