I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize