So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
