I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
