Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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