How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
