6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
