he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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