recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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