hotel room ftw
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
