I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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