no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
