AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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