i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
