I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
