i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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