pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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