after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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