after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
