He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.