I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got chris browned last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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