im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
