Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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