Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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