Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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