Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
