Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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