We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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