I wish I could punch you in the face.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
