I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
