Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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