...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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