Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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