Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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