absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
