Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
