I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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