btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
