Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
