I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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