there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
