Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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