and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
